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10 Signs You’re a Pseudo Intellectual

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  1. Your role model is Jack Kerouac.
  2. You distribute copies of The Dharma Bums to potential elitists.
  3. You call your professor “Doc.”
  4.  You are an atheist because it’s trendy.
  5. When you figured out Kerouac was Buddhist, you denounced your atheism, tried your hand at transcendence, and warmed up to the idea of communal living and organic dining.
  6. You listen to Vampire Weekend because they have a song called “Oxford Comma.”
  7. You play the song in the company of new friends and hope they’ll ask, “What’s an Oxford comma?” so you can explain and sound like a fountain of useless pseudo intellectual garbage that no one really ever needs to know.
  8. You don’t listen to Oxford Comma in the company of fellow Elitists.
  9. You think all attractive females are vapid and superficial….especially after one of them rejects you.
  10. You spend your free time writing eloquent, feather-pen requests to Steve Colbert in hopes he’ll speak at your school and have a beer with you later.


July 29, 2010 at 11:09 am

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